the truth hurts.

Soooo many people are calling, emailing, stopping us when they see us, etc. to ask how we're doing. I keep trying to get away with the same generic answers... "it's going okay", "we're making it", "so-so". I'm well aware that I have a look on my face that says otherwise and I am well aware that you can see the tears I'm trying to fight. But I just can't say it, guys. I can't.

So, instead of having a breakdown in the middle of the post office or everytime I pick up the phone (and I have had a few), I'll try to tell you here how it's really going. And I'm going to try my best to do it in an honest way vs. a whiney way.


This week... was pretty shitty. It was a combination of things really.
First of all, I didn't really know what to expect when it comes to communication. And I should have realized that he didn't either. So when he said, "I'll call you when I get there!" Psshhhtt. Right. So when three days went by and I hadn't heard from him in any shape or form... Yeah, I was starting to crack. I'm not sure we've ever gone that long without some form of communication and it sucked. But it seems like every time I'm about to fall apart, I get an email from him or an IM on Skype and it's just enough for me to keep it together a little longer.

Second of all, he left on Tuesday, by Wednesday all three kids and I were all sick. Not fun. Still fighting snot and sore throats and at this point, I have almost completely lost my voice. There is some really effective parenting going on over here let me tell you. Two-yr-olds respond really well to pointing and facial expressions.

Thirdly, four kids is freaking HARD. Bella is here full-time now and I don't know what's changed since June but I am getting my butt kicked. Part of that is because I am doing so much other stuff at the same time- mostly getting all my consignment stuff ready, making sure Layla has everything she needs to start Kindergarten (tomorrow!)...and soccer,and dance, editing pics, my softball practice started this week, cleaning and just taking care of four kids all day!

Fourthly, four migraines in four days. Partly stress, partly because I haven't had a chance to get my Topamax prescription refilled or get groceries which leads me to...

Fifthly, I can't figure out how to feed us. I mean, it seems pointless to cook whole meals for three kids and myself. More than likely, they aren't going to eat what I cook or very little of it and I don't each much so all that food would be wasted. The kids are fine living on hot dogs and grilled cheeses (and I make them eat veggies with them!), but it bothers me. I refuse to make fast-food a regular occurence, but I haven't quite found the middle ground between short order cook and food for five. Turkey sandwiches are getting old fast.



Today was sort of the breaking point and some of you had to witness it! I guess it was for all of us. Cale really, really acted out at church- to the point that they had to flash his nursery# on the screen and have me come take him out for a few mins. He's never done that before! I cried. Layla had a meltdown when we were leaving because she forgot to draw a sun on her picture of Jesus. I cried again. Of course, I was stopped by several people letting me know they'd be there if we needed them. Christy barely even looked at me before giving me a super-long, warm hug! I sobbed. Lol. We finally made it to Walmart for groceries after church where Brynn lashed out her emotions on any shampoo bottle with a coconut on it. I honestly think it was just the end of a long week for all of us, kids included, and we all needed to get it out of us however we could.


So that's that. Now you see why I just say, "fine" :)
But please don't think it means I don't appreciate you asking! I really, really, really do! I just can't always say.... well, anything.