epic.

I'm not a fan of the overuse of the word epic. 

But Cale's after-school meltdown... was epic.

His day went okay. 

Although, apparently, his teacher has what he called a "safety first attitude" that he isn't too fond of. It even applies to scissors and glue, can you imagine? I can see how that might not sit well with seven-year-old boys.

In Kindergarten, his days were okay... good, really... but when he got home, MELTDOWN. Every day. Lashing out, hitting, kicking, throwing... It was hard and it was a lot and it made him want to push us away.  We learned very quickly that he needed down time after school in order to function the rest of the night.

So today, second grade.  He had a little' first day treat' upon arrival, 20 minutes of time to decompress, but then

DUN

DUN 

DUN

Homework.

Reading.

Cale's problem isn't necessarily his struggle to read, it's his struggle to read easily.

Confidence. Lack of.

He would rather fight to the death than do something hard. 

He can't. He can't read. He can't do anything, according to him. 

It doesn't help that an older boy told him he was stupid yesterday. I'm sure the older boy thought Cale was older than he is and I'm sure Cale thought the older boy had tact. In this case, both were wrong. 

He's a bright kid, but it isn't easy for him. And if it isn't easy, he wants no part of it.

So he starts off slowly, stumbles a little and here we go... epic meltdown. He sat at the table crying.  He tried to blame me a couple times (which is typical), said I wasn't helping if I am making him read ALL words. I must not like him if I'm trying to make him read words that aren't easy for him. The usual.

And, of course, me = cool as a cucumber. 

Pat, pat, rub, rub and all the encouragement you can dream of. 

After 25 minutes, he was a disaster. No comprehensible words.

I suggested a break, took his hand and led him to his room. I started to walk away... (this is usually where the hitting, pushing, throwing starts in a panic), and GUYS. He held my hand. He asked me to stay.

Cale, you CAN do this. YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS!

I tried to remind him that he used to not be able to tie his shoes, it was too hard, but he practiced and now it's easy. And once upon a time, he couldn't even push a button through the hole, it was too hard, but he practiced and now it's easy.

He cried harder. Like, HARD. Maybe the hardest... 

In. my. lap. He just curled up, wrapped my arms around him and cried!!!

EXCLAMATION POINTS!!

Because THIS is why they were home with me last year. THIS is why it was worth it. THIS is why it mattered. 

In our house, adoption has been hard and attachment has been hard, and THIS is why it was most important to us. THIS!

He was overwhelmed and it was hard and you know what that made him want to do?! SNUGGLE HIS MAMA and not even hit me or kick me or anything. Just let me hold him. For 20 more minutes, he cried while I held him.

And then the greatest thing happened: Anna Gray pooped.

Which meant I had to get up and change her and he had to choose to regulate himself or not. 

When I walked out of her room, that boy said, "Can I read now?"

And then he did. 

He read it like he'd read it ten times before. And he flashed his mega-watt smile and then I cried and snuggled him again.

Ya'll. This year will not be easy. 

But we can do hard things!

And this year... will be epic.