Bring it, old man. I dare you.

Dear old man across the street,

I see you standing at the end of your driveway giving me dirty looks because our yard is up to my elbows. And yes, I remember that the last time it was this tall, you mowed a single strip across the middle of my lawn as some sort of threat to prove a point that *I* was making the neighborhood look bad, despite the fact that you have red and yellow plastic flowers planted all over your yard year-round. Well, it's a little chilly and I'm still in my pajamas so I'm not going to come stare back at you; I will, however, fight back on my blogspot, which thanks to my stress level and lack of sleep the last few weeks, is quickly turning into my bitchspot.

Let me tell you a few things.
1) The last time it got this tall and you stood at the end of your driveway like that, just before making your move, my husband had been in Texas for five months leaving me here with a 3-yr-old, 7-month-old twins, a broken lawn mower and more drama than you can even imagine. I was not able to mow my own lawn and for two weeks, no one had offered to mow it for me and I was too stressed out and yes, too stubborn, to ask for help. Just for the record, I let my dog poop in your yard because you made me cry. I just didn't need that rudeness at that moment.

2) In case you haven't noticed, it's been raining for 7,000 days strait. And in the brief moments it has stopped, like say now for instance at 8:16am, my husband is at work and not here to mow. Surely you don't expect me to apologize for the fact that my husband has a job that supports his family. If my lawn bothers you that much, by all means, come right over and mow it yourself.

I don't know what it is about us that bothers you so much. We are not the only ones on the street with tall grass right now. We are not the only ones with a dog who gets out. We ARE the only ones with small children. Perhaps the squeals and laughter coming from our backyard annoy you? I'm not sure. But I am cranky today and I suggest you walk past your multi-colored plastic plants and back into your house or I am sending the dog AND Brynn over. And let me tell you, Sir, one hour with her and you will wonder how our yard ever gets mowed. Get moving, Buddy.

Your unkept neighbor