Alright, let's back that thing up.

It's no secret I have a flair for the dramatics, but I DON'T ask for help.
I'm doing the duck thing.
Cool, calm, and collected on top.... paddling like hell underneath.

I'm really wanting to stock my house with cokes and cookies. When I'm this wound up, a fridge full of spinach just makes me angry.

I know everybody has their own stuff going on. Explaining, not complaining.

Roman is doing GREAT. Like... great.
Really. He is a bit stubborn from time to time, like most seven year olds I know. He does get tired easily, but that's okay because he wants his mama to hold him. Our only struggles -right now- are communication and food. We are doing pretty well getting through to each other, some things are just a little complicated for google translate or there isn't time to type it in and make sure it's translating correctly. That's really the ONLY time he gets frustrated, when he doesn't understand.  Understandably. The food thing will be another post, another day. He is starting to get out a little, though usually "safe" places. I did test the waters this weekend and he got a bit overwhelmed. Otherwise, he is a HAPPY little guy. Sweet as pie.

He had his first visit to the hematology clinic at Vanderbilt on Friday. His Hgb was better than we expected, his iron level was worse. We did some more in-depth testing and will use those results to move forward. We had a bit of a phone meeting today, will go back for his first transfusion this week, and get our plan in place.

As soon as I walked in the door with Roman and AG, the school called to say Brynn had a fever. While picking her up, Cale's teacher stopped me to say he'd had a pretty rough day.

This was not unexpected...  He was still recovering from jet lag, still adjusting to school, still adjusting to school after China, still adjusting to a new brother at home, sick sister(s) getting extra attention, all his makeup tests on Friday, a scuffle with another student, and a school party he hadn't earned. Anxiety level MAXED OUT.  I think he would have been okay for the rest of the day, if he hadn't seen me. But his class was coming in the front door and I was going out, it was unavoidable.

Details aside, it went from bad to worse. He was NOT going back in that school. He was going to do whatever he had to do to prove it.  By this point- he wasn't safe. The other students were not safe.
I took him home. If you are only a parent to neuro-typical children, you probably would have died of humiliation right there in the elementary school parking lot. But he's not neuro-typical and it's all relative!

Here's the positive from our perspective:
1) This is the first time he's reached this point at this school, so that's good. Also, it could have been much worse, really.
2) I was there. Which is probably why it even occurred to him that leaving was an option, but... I WAS THERE.
3) The school got to see how I/we handle these situations. And also that this is a real possibility for him and not just tales from a parent. There needs to be a plan in place and they know that now.
4) The school joined me in handling the situation and mimicked my response. I am grateful for that.
5) Cale saw that we (the school and I/us) are working together to keep him safe. It was powerful for him to see that we all have his back and respect each other's authority.
6) He was already making eye contact again before we left the school.
7) Once home, he calmly and clearly explained his thought process on what just happened. UM... HUGE. Enormous. Not only did he know what just happened, he was able to put words AND FEELINGS to it. HUGE.
8) His anxiety rose up again Sunday in anticipation of returning to school this morning... and after a bit of a meltdown, he was able AGAIN to say: THIS IS WHAT I'M AFRAID OF...

Ya'll. So, it sucks when your kid falls apart and chooses extreme, socially unacceptable ways to communicate it... but when your kids who falls apart is strong enough and brave enough to say Can you help me put this back together? Oh, the feels.

Wouldn't choose it, but I truly believe good will come from it.

Roman really, really wants to start school and all the pieces are in play to do that. Maybe even tomorrow. He can't wait and I'm a nervous wreck. I realize that's only half a day away, but we haven't actually made a decision. There is no longer an ESL teacher at our school.  He would have to bus to a different school for ESL services and we aren't going to do that. He wants to be with his siblings and we want him to be. More phone calls this afternoon and we'll go from there. But every day, he says, "Roman school today? Please? Roman's turn? Layla, Brynn, Cale and ROMAN school?" 


House is still a mess and probably will be for a while. Gonna have to be okay with that... but when things are spinning out, I'd like to think that is one area I can control. It's not. I can't. Not right now. I don't know if it's the mess itself or my inability to control it that works me up. (Both.) Sorry about the cry for help this morning. Wouldn't do it if I didn't need it! I did and you stepped up and I'm grateful. Ya'll made me laugh and cry and I am so many kinds of grateful for good people.
Ya'll are good people.

Oh and P.S.
Took our Brynnie-girl to the pediatrician this morning. Looks like she did have some sort of infection, but is on the mend. Essential oils and spinach for the win (dang it). Layla is feeling better and Mei Mei Annie still runs the joint.