April Column

For those of you that aren't local or don't get The Connection, here is my column for April.

"COLORING OUTSIDE THE LINES: Let It Go

Recently, I was in the Disney store with my girls trying to spend the last of the birthday cash they had burning holes in their pockets. Like 90% of the rest of the customers, they were sucked into the ‘Frozen’ section like an icy, snow-covered vacuum gave them no choice. While browsing, a pre-teen announced to the younger girl standing next to her that “Elsa and Anna can’t be real sisters, they don’t even look alike.”

My girls are almost three years apart. My oldest has dirty blonde hair, hazel eyes, little round cheeks, and fair skin. Her younger sister standing next to her is tall and lanky, has nearly-black hair, big dark eyes, and dark skin. In short, they look nothing alike. Yet, they are very REAL sisters.

I wasn’t sure they had heard or that they wanted to break the ‘Frozen’ trance long enough to educate the stranger standing next to them. Within half a heartbeat they both turned and gave me “the look”. I guess they weren’t up for (another) teaching moment so we … let it go. I asked them about it later so they had a chance to share their thoughts out loud.  My young daughter explained simply that her sister doesn’t look like her, because she’s adopted, but that they ARE sisters. Real ones.  She so briefly and lovingly stated that being a family has nothing to do with matching each other.  I couldn’t –and didn’t try to- hide the pride that crept in as my smile grew on my face. I looked sweetly at her sister in anticipation. She raised that eyebrow, tilted her head and said, “Besides, we think sisters who look alike are weird.”

No, our family doesn’t match and yes, we’ve heard it all. Are they all yours? (Yes.) Do they have the same dad? (Nope- four dads, actually. That one’s always fun). Are you the babysitter? (If I am, I need a raise.)  I’m always still surprised that anyone finds our outward differences worth noticing or that anything about the way we look would or would not determine the definitive “family” label. It seems to me that it’s more common for families to be a blend of colors rather than not (though we don’t, generally, think it’s weird if they do happen to match- as my perturbed daughter implied.)

Matching or not matching, we are very much a REAL family. My girls don’t look alike or share even a smidge of DNA. They share a room and a wardrobe, they share secrets and wishes.  They share milkshakes and bicycles, hair bows, and taste in music. They are sisters. Real ones. "