Things just got real.

Nathan has a flight date.

August 2.

That could change (of course), but right now, that's what we are being told. The good news that means he will get to come home for a couple of weeks between Texas and Germany, which is nice and he will get to be my date for Cala and Craig's wedding, which was really important to me for some reason. I just really wanted him there with me.

The bad news is that I doubt either of us will really enjoy that wedding knowing that he will be leaving the very next morning and not returning for at least six months. And what about our kids? They aren't going to the wedding so he is going to spend his last night here away from his kids?! Our own wedding reception was August 2, six years ago. I guess just having the date makes my mind race about so many things. He was excited I think, but after he told me I went to get in the tanning bed and cried the whole time.

The closer it gets, the harder we are BOTH taking it. The whole time, we have both had the attitude of "We've done this before (sort of). We've had a 6 month military separation, we know we can do it." But we are starting to realize that it's way different this time. When he left for Texas two years ago, we were in a TOTALLY different place. A lot of you who read this blog didn't know us then or didn't know us well enough to know. We had *just* brought Brynn & Cale home and because of work and other circumstances, even when Nathan was home, he wasn't. Physically, he was here, but spiritually/emotionally/mentally... he was completely absent. So half-way across town or half-way across the country didn't really make a whole lot of difference at that point.

But now... NOW... he is SO VERY PRESENT in every sense of the word that I can't stand the idea of him not being here. Because of that, yes, we will still be connected when he is on the other side of the world, but not having him here to lean on when I've had a bad day (or a good one!), to share both tears of joy and sadness over Layla's first day of kindergarten, to help me shop for Christmas presents for the kids and see their faces Christmas morning, and just not having him here for the ins-and-outs of everyday life: eating dinner, sleeping in the same bed, watching tv on the couch.... I'm not okay.
I KNOW it's just temporary. I KNOW he will come home to me safe and sound and we will do all those things together again, but the idea of him missing any of it or me/us doing it without him makes me sad. The upside to that is that we have already learned not to take any of those little things for granted. We truly appreciate the time we do have together. We are SO grateful that right now, he does get to come home at the end of the day, that I can text him when I am having a bad day, that we get to eat dinner together or watch tv side-by-side; and I am so so so so so glad to have him HERE. I am trying not to think about it, but every once in a while a dark cloud of dread creeps in and I am just... sad.

Anyway,
here's what we think the schedule looks like for now:
June 16ish- activates, begins working at the base for about 2 weeks (we think)?
July 1ish- leaves for TX for a couple of weeks(we think)?
Aug 2- leaves for Germany and goes from there to Kyrgyzstan (right now, that is still the plan... but could still change. Afghanistan still a possibility).

Helpful, huh? Yeah. I'm sure I will end up doing the going away party now between Tx and Germany, just would feel better getting exact dates before I set it for sure. I'll let you know!