Prisoner of Hope.

I have four unpublished contradictory posts.

On any given day, I could write about goodfunhappy things happening here and in the same breath tell you it's been so damn hard.

Even though it's been more than three months (wha-huh?!), we are still in a very... fresh... place.

I've been fairly transparent about our transition to seven. I've simplified and protected and diluted our reality, but yeah.... it ain't been easy.

Not that we expected it to be by any means, but we didn't expect THIS.
It's not about the busyness or the number of people colliding. It's not the every day parenting of puking kids or fussy kids or kids who don't want to do their homework. It's residual pain in a very young person, leftover or turned over or re-ignited. And hurt people hurt people.

I honestly miss the days when we were just a regular family- that happened to be built through adoption.  I don't want adoption to define my children or my family (Because... they're just kids. And we're just a family.), but it is very much an active topic in our home these days while we figure out the new layers that make our cake.

I know in my heart of hearts that this is not forever. That this is NOT our new normal. It can't be.  There are hearts to be healed and changes to process and some day, truth and light will prevail. So we cling to the good days (or the good hours) like prisoners of hope.

All that being said, please pray for Cale Benjamin. He is THE sweetest Cale in the whole wide world, but he's buried way down deep to protect himself. It comes and goes unexpectedly, so a beautiful moment can quickly turn ugly or vice versa.

Additionally, we are seeing signs of what might be resumed seizure activity.  I suspect it could just be physical manifestations of his stress level, but we will do an ambulatory EEG to be sure. If nothing else, we can rule it out. Please, please be in prayer for him and for us. 

It's hard as hell but I love these faces. And I will do WHATEVER.IT.TAKES. to make sure they know it.