bitter & sweet.

Bitter.
One little mouse couldn't sleep last night. I hugged and kissed, sung the requested songs (Amazing Grace and Fresh Prince of Bel Air), mouth guard, weighted blanket, sleep mask, and essential oils. No dice.

Still no movement on the adoption. Frustrated as all get out. I've been kinder than necessary, in my opinion, but the agency that shall not be named really messed things up for our kid in all this. They went bankrupt and closed abruptly eight weeks ago. They just notified the CCCWA (handles adoption affairs in China) of their closure yesterday. Yesterday. Eight weeks after closing. Meanwhile, our dossier sat in a pile of confusion because the CCCWA didn't know what was going on. We busted our tails to get it there, to get him home as fast possible. We should have been logged into the system within days and then pushed through to approval quickly. Four weeks and two days later and we haven't moved - ALL because of the agency mess. And he waits.


ETA: In this frustration, there's a song that keeps getting stuck in my head and I couldn't figure out why. Then I realized I wasn't singing it all the way through... the last line of the song is the verse that his name came from. So I (still) KNOW that he is the end result and there's peace in that.

Sweet.
That mess they left, meant we had to (got to!) switch to our new agency. Major praises for them.

He has a birthday coming up very soon! Or at least a day that was chosen as his birthday. We are sending a birthday cake and should get an update with it. Very excited about that.

This weather is BEAUTIFUL. And we are spending tons of time outside. Really really grateful for sunshine and bike rides and dandelions and picnics this week.

But this weekend...

Mother's Day.

Mothers and step-mothers and mothers-in-law and grandmothers.
Grateful for all and their places in our life, stressed over wanting to make sure everyone knows it in a 24 hour period.

Other mothers and parenting kids with other mothers.
Three other mothers help make me a mom. Their hearts. Recognizing their loss and loving their kids.

Aunts and friends that love you like mothers.

Infertility and adoption.
Pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. And more nights and more mornings.

Anniversary of the death of someone I love and anniversary of the birth of someone I love.
Grieving the loss of a friend/cousin/soulmate and celebrating the date chosen as our second son's birthday on the same day.

(Soon to be) five little humans.
Overwhelmed with the love and responsibility, the hurt when they hurt, the pride, the elation, the fun, the mess, the perfectly imperfect.


Bittersweet.

The rest of the world usually celebrates Women's Day instead of Mother's Day. I like that way way better. THAT seems so much less complicated. Mothers, Aunts, Friends, Daughters, Grandmothers, Godmothers, Sisters ...all deserving. Let's celebrate that. Yay women!