This month's debris, so far.

All I have wanted is a day to stay home and clean and today I finally got one. So, obviously, I made myself a "healthy" salted caramel mocha, googled pictures of Scott Foley (for research purposes) and made a list of reasons why we should move to NYC instead.  If we can make it there, we can make it anywhere. I did manage to get a red bow in AG's hair for Red Day, so I feel like I've really got it together. Who cares if her hair was spit-shined and I didn't put a jacket on her? I remembered the red bow.  I am mothering like a boss.

I am so, so grateful for my children.
I am so, so grateful for hot, running water.
But in a perfect world, it would be impossible for the two to exist at the same time.

They came in twelve times during my ten minute shower. TWELVE. I couldn't Broadway-belt a single song without interruption. Precious souls.
And then I mopped up pickle juice and glass.

I'll take that kind of stress any day, though. Broken washing machines, owning rental property (DON'T DO IT.), and insurance are for the birds. And there just aren't enough hours in the day. Except in New York, which basically runs 24/7 like me. It is, afterall, the concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

Also, here's some truth-telling for you: We haven't slept in our bed since MARCH. Our cheap inexpensive mattress is now 12 years old and it turns out, we are not 21 anymore and require -gasp- lumbar support. Don't get me wrong, we sleep on (what used to be) a super comfy sectional couch and we are adorable and hold hands and face each other and All That Jazz (ba dum ching). {I promise that's the last one.}

We are at the post-adoption point where we are still so haggard we can hardly see straight, but we can at least recognize that things are way better than they were a month ago and we're relatively lively because of it.

PLUS! One sweet boy is starting to participate in life and show back up in our pictures again :) :) :) :)

We were SUPER proud of his (and both girls!!) report cards showing how hard he has been working. Cale is the bravest, strongest boy I know.

Roman didn't have a report card, but is now staying almost the whole day at school. We are just about ready to make the leap, but a little unsure of how he will handle related arts classes (different classroom/teacher everyday....). Don't want to overwhelm him too much. His teacher and I have an open line of communication, but I get the real scoop from his peers. First graders will tell you everything.  He has a LOT of medical stuff coming up and he's undecided on whether or not he should be mad at us about that. He tells us he loves us about 72,000 times a day so I think we're good.

 I probably wouldn't advise taking your newly-adopted Chinese son to a funeral, where he has no idea what's going on AND a bunch of people want to meet him. But ya gotta do what ya gotta do and he handled it pretty darn well, considering. He only asked one stranger-to-him to hold him.  I think we can consider the boy fairly attached if I am running all over the house with him literally hanging onto my pants. I mean he has been sitting in my lap with his lips actually attached to my face. Which is excellent, of course ... and also, Please let me accomplish things just for a second you magnificent, sweet sweet child. I love you. I will definitely for sure miss it some day, but let's get real... them dishes ain't gonna wash themselves and peoples got to eat.

More recent firsts:

Movie theater

Sweet Cece's 

Punkin pickin'

And this Saturday, he'll attend his first Buddy Walk to support his baby sister (not sure how to translate that one?!).

I am so excited because it's the first year that Annie can actually WALK at the Buddy Walk!  Her other current talents include: Shaking it off, feeding herself, and stomping her feet adorably fast when she's excited. She has also gotten rather independent and says, "I big!" when she wants to do it herself.  Pistol Annie would love for you to join us to raise awareness for Down Syndrome on this gorgeous upcoming weekend!

You can register to walk with our team HERE, (but you don't have to).
Just show up, wear your sunshine yellow (speaking of... our house is now short one shirt, if anyone can't make it and has one we can borrow until Roman gets his own? Any size, we'll make it work.)!  It's free to walk with us, and there are lots of activities and food trucks, etc. Fun day! Come :)



I took an online quiz called "Can we guess your occupation?" that guessed I was an Executive Chef.
You are exactly right, Buzzfeed, I totally am.
Since this, weirdly, has come up in conversation a few times recently, as well as animal proteins, and our requested weekly menu- I will probably share it here completely irregularly with links, for ease.
Behold, this week:

Saturday: Stuffed pizza mushrooms and kale salad.
Sunday: Apple & Cheddar soup.
Monday: Crustless spinach, mushroom, and feta quiche.
Tuesday: Sax Deli for Spirit Night
Wednesday: Kale and Sweet Potato Nachos, side of salsa chicken for the carnivores.
Thursday: Cheese ravioli with roasted veggies.
Friday: Crunchy black bean tacos.

Happy Octobering!

Fall "break". Enter hysterical laughing at the thought of it.

So, it's been a minute. Life has been... {fill in the blank.}

Several months back, a whole bunch of adoptive mommas shared a blog about the realities of the first year home. I would pinky swore I saved it, but I can't find it anywhere now. Wish I could, so I could reference it and see that we still fall somewhere in the "normal" bracket.

Roman had his second transfusion and it went much more smoothly. We did his type/screen blood draw the day before, so no super long wait for a blood match. When I told him it was transfusion day, he said: One, xin xue (new blood) and two, home with Mama! sqeeeee. So, he got it- and wasn't afraid of being abandoned this time. Before fall break, he had worked his way to staying through lunch at school. He was doing pretty well! I go up there to help him transition and sit with him to help him understand/follow the rules. Which means I am at one of the schools five times a day, every day, between 8:30-12:30 , but stop #3 (lunch) is my favorite. His lunch time is overlapped by the twins' lunch time, so I get to see three at once. Not sure what to expect when he goes back after a nine days off...

I know I say it every single post, but his English is really coming along well. So impressive.

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Layla had her tonsils and adenoids out Monday.
She's my Nervous Nellie, but she handled it really well. They wheeled her off to the OR with Eric Clapton blasting from a cell phone. Afterward, two nurses and her doctor all came to tell me she was the coolest. kid. ever. AGREED.

She's been a star patient and recovery has been better than expected so far. knockonallthewood.

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Anna Gray decided -literally- over night that she was not a baby anymore. She was upgraded from a crib to a twin bed and her changing table was removed and replaced by big kid stuff. She's delighted. She kept saying, "Annie's bed! I so big!". Up down, up down, jump jump jump.

Then *I* became the Nervous Nellie. The side rail was up, new baby gate, entire room extra toddler-proofed, but I still checked on her approximately one million times the first night.

Here's my cautionary tale that I'd rather not talk about, but just in case someone else doesn't cross this T:
Nathan asked me if we should put the second rail up on the bedside against the wall. Nah, There's only a couple inches of space. Then we couldn't find Elmo. He was in the crack. So, we should probably put the other rail up then. BUT WE DIDN'T. On night two, Brynn came to say she couldn't sleep because Annie was crying. Guys... she was stuck. In those "couple inches" between the bed and wall. Terrifyingly stuck. Someone had turned off the monitor and we didn't hear her. That baby, my baby, could have died and that's the truth. I still sort of can't breath over it and won't even mention the amount of guilt and panic and gratitude, but just PUT THE DAMN RAIL ON.

Other than the near death experience, she really does love her room. She goes in there to play with her toys and sits in a chair to read a book. She goes to sleep beautifully and is just very very big.

Moving forward.

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Our house is in a state of disarray that drives me insane. We are not finishers. Time, money, exhaustion yada yada has left many partial projects, setting stuff aside to deal with later and then collapsing of exhaustion before completion.  I keep our living areas clean, but some extra rooms have become big ole' stacks of anxiety. So, I needed to simplify for sanity and started cleaning out. That's what led to Anna Gray's room makeover. Then I had this idea that it was a good time to just finish those unfinished projects and basically re-do everything that I wasn't happy with. Since it's fall "break" and all. We just celebrated two years in this house last week, and then I drug everything out and it now looks like we just moved in. Nathan loves when I get big ideas.

It's a bit a like a bruise. It had to get worse before it could get better. Ironically, I think I need to get the kids back in school in order to finish. Those before and afters I used to do (and also never finished), I'm determined to finish them. They will now be BEFORE, HALF-ASSED FINISHED (pardon my American), and finally, AFTER. Determined. To (eventually) finish.

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Aside from surgeries and transfusions and appointments and the like, I do love having my little humans home. This week has had a much lighter tone than the previous month. I think 6 out of 7 are pretty well adjusted and I think Number 7 is on his way.  It was not pretty there for a while. Not just not pretty... ugly. Lots of people have 5+ children, lots of people can relate to chaos of just being a busy, active, full household, etc. I don't mean to offend (I really don't... and I'm not discounting the difficulties anyone else faces), but sometimes I want to say: IT'S NOT THE SAME.

There's a fine line between being honest and transparent and protecting the hearts of my children. Publicly, I will just say that attachment disorders, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and all the other letters on his chart are a dangerous combination, especially when his whole world has just been turned upside down by an adoption AND going back to school. Parenting a child with that combination is HARD in ways that you can only understand if you've done it/are doing it (especially if said child is as strong as you are....).

I would never ever want you to think that he is "bad", because he is not. He is good- so, so good. He just has some very big feelings that he doesn't know what to do with. The bat signal has been activated, the "team" is engaged, and I pray/hope/believe we are on our way back to safe place. This break from school could be exactly what he needs to catch his breath and reset, or it could start all over again when he goes back.  For the love of Pete, PRAY, hug a mama or daddy parenting an "ETL" (Easy to love, Hard to raise), take a deep breath and be grateful for your child.

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We have strong, healthy, beautiful children and having them home this week meant: artwork, puppy birthday parties, jumping in leaves, snuggling on the couch, lots and lots of reading, creative play, riding bikes, talent shows, big questions and tricky answers, pineapple-kale smoothies (our fav), laundry relay races, too many games of "catch the runaway dog" in the rain, sleepless nights, and a host of other tidbits that I could just soak up every day every day every day.

(AG is squatting like them....adorbs.)

Life has been... {fill in the blank}, but I wouldn't change (hardly any) of it.

Turning point(s).

Roman Jude Zheng had several more "firsts" in the past week!

First milkshake:

First drive-in movie:

First dentist appointment:

First (almost) slumber party:

And first time to open up about China...

Last Friday after I picked him up from school and AG was sleeping, he decided to test out some truth telling. The kind of truths you only tell people you really trust. It was a mix of Mandarin, English, Google Translate and some serious acting skills, but big detailed memories were told. Tears were shed (for both). Once he realized it was okay, he kept them coming.

I had a feeling that up until this point, he thought "Mommy" was my name. Not the term used to identify my relationship to him and not a connection we shared, just my name. I was right. But after our afternoon of sharing and caring, he snuggled in close and said Mama... Roman's Mama.

He stayed right underneath me for a while after. Then started doing what looks like a more formal gesture of putting his hands on his heart and then opening them up to me- the way they did in China when they were presenting me with something important. He's done it over and over and I know just what he means.

Since then, he's more relaxed when he's in my arms. He stares at us with a sweet grin when he thinks we aren't looking. He hugs and kisses me constantly. There has definitely been a shift in genuine affection vs. mimicking what he sees.

Yesterday, for the first time, I wore the same shirt I had on the day we met.  As soon as he saw it, he started telling me his version of that day. How Mommy was so excited and smiling and waving and then Roman does this {shows stunned face}. He went and got our "first official photo" they gave us in China, me beaming ear to ear and him, stunned. I asked if he was scared.  A little.  I said, "Roman, I am so happy to be your Mama." He wrapped his tiny little arms all the way around and said, "Yes. Roman's mama. Roman happy. And Daddy is Roman's baba. Roman happy." And then he told me he loved me in Mandarin for the first time. He has been saying it in English non-stop, but I don't think he knew what he was saying. He just knew it was something affectionate we say to one another. Now, he says Roman loves Mama when he hands me his heart.

When he's trying to tell you he wants something, he says, "Roman, you want....?"
Roman, you want milk? means he wants milk.
Roman, you want Thomas? means he wants to watch Thomas.
Last night, he said, Roman, you want America? You want America Mama & Baba?

Sometimes he wants me to hold him because he's tired, sometimes just to be close, but he often tells people that his mama is so strong.  His foster mom was much older and could not hold him. The last couple of days, I've had a cold. It kept me from eating well or sleeping well and landed me flat on my back with the worst migraine I've had since we got home. He had not seen me so incapacitated and he was so, so worried.  He learned to use the microwave so he could fix a hot towel for me, He kissed my whole face at all the wrong times, he propped himself on my leg and rubbed my arm while I laid down. He got me water and threw away my tissues. So gross but so, so sweet. He wanted to take care of his mama (to be fair, he was learning a lot from all the other tiny nurses in the house), but he would not leave my side. Even after I'd gotten back on my feet, he asked Okay, Mama? all night long and again this morning.

So lovable, that little one.

We've thrown him for a loop a couple of times this week and he's still handling it like a champ. There are a couple more firsts on the horizon, but we are trying to balance them carefully with the safe and familiar. He's still doing well at school and starting next week, we are going to try staying for lunch. That could get interesting. He is asking to stay all day and seems to love it. And guys... his classroom helper invited him to his birthday party! He has his own friend!

It's sooo weird to feel so content and complete. I've never felt complete before, I wasn't sure I was the kind of person who would. He so naturally slid into the missing spot that it's weird to think that there is still so much for him to do and see and be as part of US. We've kept his world small (with good reason and good outcome!), I almost forget how much he has left to see. Keep on rockin', little man. You're the strong one.