Happy sappy.

Some of you know that Brynn has some bruises on her heart due to someone else's words about what her family is/isn't supposed to look like and about what does/doesn't make someone "family".  There have been times in the not-so-distant past, that Brynn has shared her OWN feelings about her OWN adoption, and someone has dismissed them as true. ANGRY WORDS.  I have watched my little girl sob over an adult's choice to tell her what can't be true of her own family.

Enter Brynn's BFF.

This weekend, they sat with little tiny teacups and washable markers and I heard her innocently ask, "How come you don't have a brown family?"

Knowing it's a sensitive subject for Brynn, I held my breath for half a heartbeat.

I do.

Wanna see?

She ran and got her pictures. I don't think she's ever shown them to anyone else!

They studied each and every one together.

Sweet inquiries, honest answers.

No, I don't get to see them, but...

"But they're still your parents! So you have two sets of parents!"

YES, BFF! YES!

The 7-yr-old... she gets it. Two sets of parents. 

Right, Mama?

RIGHT, BRYNNIE.

And this is how attachment works...

Her heart. Someone believed her, and it was happy. Someone was receptive and considerate, and her heart was safe. 

And because her heart was happy and because it was safe, she was snuggled up to me all night long. She was giddy and leaking more sporadic  "I love you's" than usual. Because she was happy and safe.

And because we were giddy and happy and safe, we had a girls night. And because it was a girls night, against my better judgement, I finally let her watch Chicago. She knows most of the soundtrack anyway, and I know it well enough to MUTE at the appropriate times. So we sang and we ate dinner downstairs and we had jazz hands all over the place. 

All because BFF gets it. 

Thank you, Sweet K! We love you!!

BEFORE AND AFTER: The BOYS' room! (squee!)

Remember forever and a day ago when I was doing the 'Before and After' of our house renovation?? And then they just stopped? Because we stopped. Time, money, life, yada yada.

Well, I showed everyone's bedroom B&A except for Cale's. That was because we never finished- mostly because we (Cale and I) would stand in the middle of the room looking around with zero ideas on where it was going.



BEFORE:
The day we moved in. AG set up camp briefly while we moved stuff into her room.

^ Look how little!!

We definitely did removed those mirrored sliding closet doors right off the bat, but re-purposed them elsewhere (guess I'll finish up those B&A's on the rest of the house at some point...).  They just didn't scream "Cale" to me.

He wanted "blue walls and boy stuff".  He picked his paint and we moved in his queen size bed, dresser, a few of his favorite things, and not much else.

The room went through a few minor transitions in the last year and a half. When we started the process to become foster parents, we knew we'd need another bed- and C wanted nothing more than to share his room with somebody (kinda how this whole convo got started, actually...).

So we sold the queen sized bed and bought bunkbeds. We split the beds because giving our kids something tall to jump off of is like setting a cake in front of them and telling them they can't touch it. As soon as we put the beds in there I said, "This looks like camp!" 

BOOM. CAMP BUNKS. CAMP WEST.

(Clearly missing my husband and now talking like him. Not cool at all, actually. Love you, West!)

AFTER:

We are still using the small dresser, {igoring that Cale had scratched his sister's name in it with a nail... ahem.  Scratched dressers still hold clothes.}, the oar was in the garage when we moved in, but Cale and I added a little color. The deer print was made by one of our RR Family Warriors who is helping bring Roman home.  Pretty neat to have that little touch in there! I got the lamp shade from a lady on Varage Sale and the base at GW. C keeps his army men in the little blue pail.

Cale's side!

I bought the big letters, painted and distressed them.

The fishing rods belonged to Nathan's grandfather. The car print was actually a set of placemats that my grandfather gave to Cale a few years ago. We couldn't decide what to do with them, so I'm framed one for the wall. The antlers were Nathan and he has wanted them to hang in our house for 11 years- ha. Finally had a good spot!The red "toybox" was a white chest Nathan's parents gave to me before we married. And C always keep the Air Force blanket Nathan brought home from his deployment on the end of his bed.

Love the difference in their shoe sizes! Funny- considering they are four months apart in age.

Roman's side! (It's still a little Cale-heavy on the details, but once Roman is home we will add his own!)

The little red side table belonged to Nathan's great aunt; we painted it red.

The "first aid" box (C did the stenciling...) holds the 121 Hot Wheels. That's not a guesstimate. He knows EXACTLY how many are in that box.

The shelf is made from wood from their old swingset (if you'll remember, that is sprinkled throughout the house). It mostly holds trophies and trinkets so far. Cale chose to hang his two favorite shirts before there were any adoption plans- his "Airman's Little Man" shirt that he used to wear ALL the time, and his first "jersey".

I painted the little blocks on the right. Just because.

Layla painted this picture of a campsite and they decided it would be perfect over Roman's bed. I agree!

Six buckets (three each) helped organize the closet and make use of the space. 

That about does it! Blue and boy stuff! CAMP WEST :)

Cannot wait for these brothers to share this room!

I know at least one 7-year-old is even more excited than I am.

Early last week, we sent one last care package to RJZ. It should arrive just before we do.

I cannot for the life of me get that picture to rotate.

Since we opted not to send the photobook last time (I will just take it to China with me.), we sent a small photo album of our family this time and a translated note in the back. Hopefully, he will have a few days to study our faces! 

We also sent a couple of Hot Wheels, a cap, pictures the girls drew, hard candy and stickers to share with his foster siblings, and a recordable frog. 

Cale said I love you, brother! in Mandarin and then we said We love you, NingNing (his nickname) in English! It's sort of precious and I hope he loves it. 

Since we got our approval from China last week, things have been moving at lightening speed (finally! And ya'll, again I say, our SW is the best!). It's been crazy trying to crank out the next steps as quickly as possible, but we are doing it. Our i800 was approved quickly and forwarded to China. We have gotten the needed paperwork from the NVC (National Visa Center) and the next step should be dropped off in China early next week! It will be picked up 48 hours later (expedited) and then we are officially waiting on Travel Approval! LOUD NOISES!

Travel approval can be a little unpredictable (not my favorite thing these days: unpredictable waiting times. I kinda feel like we've paid our dues there.), but still... it's the end! We are CLOSE!

And his room is ready and waiting. Whoop.

Some of my favorite reasons for being me.

"Did you know that you're my favorite mom ever, even when you aren't trying really hard?"


Child taps me on the shoulder during the $1 Summer movie... I lean over, child hands me tooth and resumes watching movie.


Little child creates unclean diaper (or lack thereof) situation. Older children jump and say, "How can I help you?"


No alarm needed. Woke up to a child standing over me belting out, "High on a hill lived a lonely goatherd!", which somehow transitioned seamlessly into Taylor Swift's "Trouble". (Give you one guess...).


"Me and Layla are like... our own kind of weird. We like each other like that."


A little girl singing herself to sleep. The Cupid Shuffle, her own kind of lullaby.


"For the love of peace!" (I say for the love of Pete.)


The little peach has become exhaustingly fiercely independent. She also walks around to e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e. saying, "Hi! How are you?! Good good."


"If I grow up, and get a big truck, you can take a picture of me leaning up against if you want."


"{Sobbing} I can't go to sleep unless I feel safe! I can't feel safe unless I feel your heart on mine and there's a sister on my right! {Stops sobbing.} Wait, is that my right or my left?"


I flubbed our quick in-and-out at the grocery and forget to get snacks Brynn could take to her summer dance intensive.  I sent her with NO SNACK, but change to get a Z Bar out of the machine at snack time. She got her Z Bar, but also came home with four other snacks that were given to her.
"How did that happen?"
I have no opinion on that.
"Do you know what that means?"
No, ma'am. I do not. And I don't have an opinion on that either.


"I can't control my anger. I only feel calm when you give me my legos back and maybe get some popsicles."

At the beach, we taught the kids to give the "I'm okay." signal that scuba divers use (as we were both advanced divers in our past life, B.K. before kids). That way if they got knocked down by a wave orwhathaveyou, they would look up to us and signal that they were okay.  AG caught on quick (though let it be known there was a never a reason for her to give us the signal from afar, she's just mimmicks everything), and she now uses the signal every time the phrase "okay" is used. Time for bath, okay? SIGNAL: OKAY! Is it okay if we read this book? SIGNAL: OKAY!
Comical.

And if you get hurt, she will ask, "Are you okay, baby?" SIGNAL: OKAY?! OKAY?!

**********************************************************



And some other things I forgot to say before... My inner name nerd let me down in all the excitement.
Worth mentioning: Roman, in french, means novel. Fitting, no? Also, Jude = praise. Um... yes.
Zheng means boy, ha. Praise for this boy's story!

HAPPY TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY!

HERE WE GO!!!!!

WE HAVE OUR LETTER OF APPROVAL FROM CHINA!!!

I seriously never thought this day would come.
Longest 92 days OF MY LIFE. 

Elated doesn't even begin to describe it!!

I don't know how to type the noises that we are making :) :) :)

holy moly.
And also... HOLY MOLY!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen, 
our SON...



ROMAN JUDE ZHENG WEST!

^A little {slightly creepy} entertainment ^

His name:

The short version is- eight years ago when we realized I was going through menopause (at the ripe old age of 24), we had already started the process to adopt domestically. Though we chose adoption before my diagnosis, I still grieve(d) the idea that I could choose to get pregnant if we wanted to. I grieved the option. One day in particular, I was struggling, and God sent me Romans 8:28.

While considered a "popular" verse now, it wasn't one I kept in my tool belt back then. 

To me, God was saying... if you will walk this path I have laid out for you, I will have Roman waiting for you at the end of the journey. Weird, right? Weird but true. 

I just knew, I have always known, that "Roman" would be the end of this crazy/beautiful road. 

We didn't seek out "Roman" or plan ahead to name our last child Roman... but all of a sudden, there he was. Our last.  Our Roman. Throughout this roller coaster of adoption, friends and family (several who did not know his name) kept sending verses from Romans for encouragement.

Roman(s). Good stuff.

Also, had I gotten pregnant during that dark time 8 years ago ... that baby would be the same age as our Roman.

God for the win.

Jude was a name Nathan suggested for Cale way back when. We both like it, and it has some small quirky meanings for us. For me, I wanted a J for my Jason. (They have other ties to one another, as well.) The Beatles nod is an added bonus, but not intentional. We thought about leaving it out, but he just feels like he has a little Jude in him!

Zheng is part of his Chinese name, given to him by the orphanage staff. We do not know his name at birth (nor his actual birthday, we will keep the one they gave him), but this is the only name he has ever known. It was important for us to keep that for him. It is pronounced like "Chung". 

So, that's that. Roman Jude Zheng West. 

He did ask for an American name, and we think it's a good one :)

What's next:

We got a bit of a jumpstart on the next set of paperwork. It's all still quite confusing to me, despite the other China moms explaining it to me 477 times. Basically, Cale, Roman, and I apply for visas and get everything shuffled between the US and China. Once all that gets approved, we apply for travel approval (TA) and a Consulate appointment! (CA) We have already been approved to expedite these steps, so we could be (should be... but ya know) traveling in a matter of weeks!

WE REALLY ARE COMING, ROMAN!!

Runaway.

run v. (r-uh-n)

1. to move swiftly on foot so that both feet leave the ground

2. to retreat rapidly

3. to move without hindrance or restraint

4. to go about from place to place

5. to go when in trouble or distress

6. to make a short, quick trip

7. to move freely

We are so grateful we had the opportunity to run away to our "Florida house" for a few days. We desperately needed to catch our breath for a minute and just be. 

Adoption is hard, ya'll.

Obviously, the paperwork is strenuous, the fundraising is stressful, the waiting is desperate-- all true if everything goes smoothly. This hasn't gone smoothly. It has been our hardest adoption journey by far. On paper, we have hit delay after delay after delay after delay with no rhyme or reason. 

We know all the right things to think/say, we know we know we know. But it's maddening. 

In theory, he should already be home. 

What we expected to take about 30 days, we are still waiting on 86 days later. And no one can tell us why and there's nothing we can do about it. 

Our current status is "match reviewed"... the last step, on the cusp of approval. Normally, for NON-expedited adoptions,  it takes just a few days for approval once you reach this step. We've been there for three weeks.

MADDENING. 

Of course, on top of everything else- we don't really know the status of his health. We think he is doing okay right now, but we aren't getting much info and that's really, really tough. 

So, we impulsively ran away to the beach for a minute. And we flew $1 kites and we got sunburned and we lived on sandwiches and cereal and did you know Cale can talk for nine hours strait? And that Brynn knows every word to every song, ever? Still, we held hands and jumped over waves, we saw dolphins and Dierks Bentley, and for just a minute we forgot how hard it all is. 

Please come home soon, sweet boy. Margot the Cargo has one more seat available and it's your's. There are crabs to catch and sandcastles to build and there is a wave out there with your name on it.