Day Five.

This is an advocacy post.

It's not a pity post or a vent.  It's sole purpose is education and awareness.
I've never written about this specifically and today seems like a good day.


If you know Brynn, you know that she is precious. She "mothers" her baby sister and every animal she comes in contact with. She is the first one to offer help- to wash dishes without being asked, to fold all the socks or put away everyone else's laundry just to be kind. She is the most tenderhearted baby. When she was five, a bug was killed in a movie we went to see. She cried silently for 30 minutes for that bug.  She is the child that saves up all her birthday money and allowance, just to give it away. She is the child that begged me to turn the car around on a busy street, then sat on the side of the road with an elderly woman who was digging in the trash. She just sat with her, talked to her, because we are "supposed to care for our neighbors". When my grandfather was in his last months, our others were uncomfortable seeing him lost and lying in his bed.  Not Brynn. She held his hand, knelt by his bed, and prayed.  She is PRECIOUS.

Today, Brynn is screaming nonsensical words. She is hanging upside down from a chair, kicking her feet during breakfast. She is only half-clothed, because she has no idea where she put the pants that she just had in her hands.

I've heard people use an ADHD sticker for a kid who is busy, wiggly, active. People make jokes(?) about that kid "needing their meds". I have no idea if they do or not.  Brynn does.

Today is Day 5 with no meds.  I ordered them a week ago and we still don't have them.

She can go a day without and be okay. Busy. Wiggly. Active. She will need extra reminders and prompts, but thank me for "letting her be herself". Day 2, she is silly but functional.  It's harder to complete a task, but she can do it.  Wild, so it seems like she's not listening, but she hears you. On Day 3, she'll be braver- take risks. She needs time on the trampoline to calm down, she needs sugar-free gum to keep toys/clothes/erasers/books out of her mouth.  Meltdowns, running away, acting out. Day 4, her homework becomes a scribbled mess of lines with barely intelligible words. She'll pee in her pants, probably several times, because her brain and body are moving so fast, she leaves the toilet before she's finished. She switches to offensive play, antagonizing, testing. She will get injured- often- because she is too impulsive to consider consequences.  We have gotten her off the roof on Day 4s. Twice.

Today is Day 5. She laughs hysterically when her behavior is corrected and cries uncontrollably when she can't get the top on the toothpaste. She has wrapped herself in her blanket too tightly to move and rolled back and forth on the carpet as hard as she could. She will sob later, in frustration because she can't get what's in her head, out- in order to finish her sentence. She will alternate growling and squealing when you are squatting down in front of her trying to make eye contact and then dart away. She will steal, sneak, hide.  She has already climbed Nathan's armoire and squished three carrot muffins into her cheeks at once. She's fast. Lightening fast.

Brynn is missing school today.  She is staying home because it's Day 5 with no meds and she already struggled through Days 2 & 4 (Friday/Monday). She can't do it. She can't function, She can't follow directions or sit in her desk and do her work. She can't play appropriately with friends.  She can't wait her turn or stand in line. She can't do it.  Not today.

Easy to love, hard to raise.  It's not her fault, we know that. It doesn't always make it easier to parent. By Days 3&4, we are frustrated. Tired. We hate it- mostly for ourselves. But by Day 5... I feel for our sweet girl. I see in her eyes that she doing her best. This is her best today. This is what she can do.

The sun is shining through the windows. Birds are chirping. The washer & dryer are running, Music is on in the background. Cale is working on math.  And Brynn is clawing in the dirt, jerking her head back and forth, and singing no particular song at the top of her lungs.

This is Brynn's ADHD. It is not who she is and rarely what others see when they look at her, but it is VERY real and VERY much a part of our day-to-day life.  She is a not a child who doesn't listen or needs a spanking or "knows better".  This is a child who needs tools-- medical intervention, a sensory diet, visual prompts-- in order to operate life in general. With those tools, she can do life and do it really well.  This is a child who can... will... be successful and happy.

She is driven and compassionate and entertaining.
And busy. Wiggly. Active.
She is Brynn- our precious girl.