DAY NINE: new kids on the block.

What day is it?? I’m not even sure but it was a fun one!

We started with a trip to the 24/7 Starbucks in our hotel for coffee and warm muffins. I was still mourning the glorious breakfast buffet. We can’t afford it everyday, but we earned it today.


Eventually, we took off on foot out around the hotel. We are in the same place the boys and I were but I didn’t have a lot of time …or sanity? Can’t remember… to get very far with them. Seems like our days were pretty packed.

We set off looking for lunch but walked and walked and walked and just kinda got caught up in it all and forgot we were hungry. It’s so beautiful! And weird how yesterday we were freezing in 30 degree weather and today it’s 70 and sunny. To be in a big city, there’s tons of old trees and pretty things and Layla loves all the buildings. We photographed people and clothes hanging to dry in windows and colors and life.

We forgot we were hungry. By the time we remembered we were actually starving, the closest restaurant was Italian. Pizza. Again. I was totally against it but didn’t actually have another other suggestions so I caved. Need to plan a little better I think.

It was fine, I am just OVER carbs. How do these people eat so many carbs?! I feel like junk. I guess they eat a lot of meat, we see people on the street all the time, but … that’s not for me. I like lean/clean meats… these animals on sticks just don’t seem the same somehow ;) Veggies, I want veggies. We did at least order pasta with broccoli. Score?

After lunch we went to the museum. We honestly didn’t even know what kind of museum it was, it was just something to do. It looked like one building, but once we got in it was HUGE. Again, my STEM baby loved it. Lincoln’s just along for the ride wherever we go. Ha. But for a 16lb baby, she sure gets heavy after a few hours! The tombs were cool and all the rituals etcetera. It will be a nice addition to Layla’s photojournalism presentation to her class upon her return and well worth the $2 it cost us to visit. Oh, and the views from the top were stunning!

Layla had a snickers for dinner. I told her early in the trip that most of the regular rules go out the window in China and she’s taking full advantage ;) We always seem to make lunch our big meal of the day (we're mid-day people!) and aren’t hungry much at night. Except Tiny Panda who scarfs down every bit that she’s offered. I think she’s starting to fill out a little! Plus, it’s definitely building trust that I am here to take care of her. She still won’t drink much but did at least attempt a little formula from her soft spout sippy today. That‘s a first! We‘ll keep trying. She also didn‘t scream in the tub! Progress!  Baby steps.

Apparently it’s New Year’s Eve?! I had kind of forgotten. It’s normally kind of a thing for us, since that’s how Nathan and I started. This year’s just different. The girls were asleep by 7:30 and I wasn’t far behind them! I know it probably would have been pretty groovy to see China celebrate, we just didn’t have it in us. Oh well. HAPPY NEW YEAR! I think it’s gonna be a good’un.

DAY EIGHT: GZ

We left Xi’an for Guangzhou today!

Bittersweet. Ready to move on, closer to home, but always tearful for me when my babies say goodbye to their hometown. Lincoln doesn’t know, but I feel it for her. Obviously, she will be loved and cherished as a daughter and a sister and her new forever ain't too shabby, but still… this is her’s. This is all she’s ever known and she’s leaving it for good. Bitter and sweet.

We got everything packed up and put in it’s place for check out and scooted out the door for one last lunch. They were coming at 1:00 to pick us up and I honestly had no idea what time our flight was or what time we’d be in GZ or when we’d eat again. Last time with Roman, it was hours and we were hungry so I wanted to be prepared. Layla wanted Pizza Hut one more time, which didn’t quite go as easily this time. We ended up with ham, I think. Not totally sure.

Sherry got us checked in for our flight and we eventually made it through security. We had to prove ourselves several times over and let them check every inch of us, our bags, our baby, the whole nine yards but we made it. We made a quick stop in the bookstore where Layla had spotted The Cursed Child in Mandarin and wanted to use some of her money on it. We made it to our gate long enough to grab one of the yellow sodas that taste like melted plastic to me but she seems to love, when everyone around us got on a bus. So we got on the bus too. The flight to GZ was about 2 ½ hours and pretty effortless. It was the first time we’d flown over China during the day though and the views were nothing short of spectacular. The fed us a meal, which we didn’t expect (and didn’t really eat… it was the worst so far). We landed in GZ around dinner time and our new guide got us checked in at the China Hotel.

Big. Fat. Bummer. to find out we weren’t upgraded this time. I mean, I knew we may not be with the holiday, they’re pretty full. But that breakfast buffet!! Waaahhh. I’d been looking forward to it all week and promised Layla unlimited amounts of bacon and French toast! Ya’ll know the executive lounge SAVED MY LIFE last time, but dinner is easier this time around with an almost-13-yo and a baby who’s pretty chill. The breakfast shot me right in the heart though. That’s been the hardest part, food-wise. They did offer to let us pay for it, but no way $30/day made sense. Whatever. We’ll manage. Mama just had the teensiest of meltdowns is all.

The girls were out pretty quickly while I unpacked. The room is pretty small so we have to find a place for everything or it can get out of control fast. Blah. Grumpy tonight. Going to have some melatonin gummies and hit the sack. Our guide let us know between the holiday (New Years) and her friend’s wedding, she was leaving for the week and we are on our own. Her colleague will come get us for our medical appointment Wednesday. Sooo. Cool. The adventure continues.

DAY SEVEN: explorers

Another free day to explore Xi’an!

We took it easy in the hotel this morning. That seems to be our jam… wake up slow, head out mid-day and have lunch, do whatever activity and come back in for the night by late afternoon. And every day we try new places for lice treament. CAN NOT BELIEVE it is this difficult to find.

Headed back out to the Chinese/English restaurant by our hotel for lunch. Ordered kung pao chicken and cabbage at Sherry’s suggestion. OMGosh so good. Fav meal so far. But can I just say? I adore Layla. All her uniqueness and quirks and I absolutely cannot talk about Hamilton anymore. I cannot. I love it and I’m a broadway baby and I have created a monster. I’ll take it over Warrior cats any day (truly grateful to have shifted, really) but holy heck guys. I have never seen anything like this. I mean, when I was her age I was this obsessed with NKOTB so the fact that it’s broadway and history and all that is not a bad thing. BUT. But. First it was the show and everything about it, then it was the actors in the show and everything about them, then it was the historical figures the show is based on and everything about them and at this point I just know way more about our forefathers that I ever thought possible and I just don’t like them as humans that much and I just cannot talk about it anymore.

Otherwise, she’s the easiest breeziest little mother’s helper on the planet ;)

So lunch was delicious and full of Hamilton.

We walked around for a while,  just discovering new places or seeing what we found. She picked out a giant panda head at a bakery to have for breakfast tomorrow and we searched high and low for these snacks Roman wants but can’t really remember. I sent him seven pictures based on what he described- no dice so far. We grabbed a few things at Walmart and cut back through the mall because it’s warmer.

This is where the ice cream adventure began.

Layla has been so brave until it was time to order her own ice cream. She was seriously panicked and I made her do it anyway because I encourage my children to conquer their fears! And because it was entertaining me and I wanted a picture. The first shop we tried…. It didn’t work out. I think they were out but I’m not really sure. We just slowly backed away after a few minutes of trying and then slinked into the crowd.

That’s when we saw the dog and bunny snuggled on a bench. WHY were a dog AND a bunny in the mall on the bench snuggling?? Because China, that’s why. So we went back down the escalator so we could ride back up and get a picture, but then we realized there was another ice cream shop underneath. I think I documented that already. So funny.

We took the underground route back to our hotel and settled in for the night.


Talked to my babies. Brynnie was the one with tears in her eyes this time. At least they are taking turns?

That girl though… Nathan (everyone) says she’s been a rockstar. She just gets stuff done. Always and without being asked. I know Nathan values her help! He says they’ve all been good though. She’s been a bright light for me too. She left notes all in our suitcases! We keep finding them and they are precious. They’re typed, so she obviously put some time and effort into it. She created word puzzles on her own “in case we are bored” and wrote little love notes for us hidden throughout. She even wrote/typed an entire story for Layla “because she loves to read”. Her heart, I swear. She’s a gem. I love you Queen B!!!

Sherry picked up our notarized documents tonight and brought them to us. They had Lincoln’s passport ready too so we are all set to head to GZ tomorrow! Whoop whoop. Bring on the buffet!!!!

DAY SIX: gifts!

Santa came!!

Sort of.

Santa had limited space so Santa had to get creative. I basically wrapped all the little things that would normally be in their stockings and a few pieces of paper telling them what they had at home, ha. We brought our little six inch tree that’s normally part of our table centerpiece and still, it held just the right dash of Christmas magic. There will never be another Christmas like this. This is once in a lifetime. Just me and two of my girls on the other side of the world, huddled around a tiny tree in a hotel room dripping with gladness. Just grateful for this moment and togetherness. It‘s all we really need. #wecouldhavemissedthis

Santa is extra sappy this year.

Today we went to see the Terracotta Warriors! I’m so glad that they happened to be in Lincoln’s province. Layla had been studying ancient China for the last two years at school coincidentally so she couldn’t wait to get there. Plus, it’s the closest thing to any kind of real archaeological dig she’s seen in real life and with a planned future in paleontology (for now…), that was kind of big deal. Plus, you know, they’re sort of amazing anyway.

On the way, Sherry gave us a gift from Lincoln’s orphanage. A sterling silver bracelet engraved with her Chinese name and DOB. Love love love. Just wonderful. They also had one made to keep there, so when we do a heritage trip later- we can come visit and see that they match. The nicest! On the day we met her, they also gave us what’s basically a scrapbook of her life there. Pictures of her over the years, notes, updates on her development, little doodles the nannies drew for her. Unbelievable and priceless. Also included a disk full of hundreds of pictures- that I can’t see yet- but I can’t wait. This is such a good program!

So the warriors-- We really really enjoyed it but we just about froze our cahoones off, even with our cold weather gear that had only arrived the day before. Thank goodness it did. I would have felt pretty bad if we’d driven all the way out there and been too miserably cold to stay. We are kinda weather sissies, us two. But we did it and loved it.

Layla had been baby-sitting for me during the entire adoption process so she could have her own money in China. Half the time I was in the same room/building as her, but leaving her in charge so I could focus on whatever task. Worked for both of us!  She was excited to pick out a mini warrior to bring home using her money. Sherry took us to the restaurant above the museum. I’m sure it was a set up somehow, but whatever, it was a pretty easy meal and authentically Chinese. Well, “easy” with Lincoln turning into a break dancing octopus who likes to grab/throw things! Layla got a little cuisine-shy all of a sudden and feasted basically on sticky rice. I tried to be brave! I’m being much braver this time. Sometimes I close my eyes though.

Talked to my babes at home again. Anna Gray did much better. She was so happy to see us that she sang ‘Happy Birthday’ six times for no real reason other than joy, as well as Doc McStuffins and a bit of Hamilton. My tail on the other hand… he cried. A lot. Poor buddy. I’ve never really been away from him in the two years he’s been home and I’m in China off all places. That’s a lot for his little heart to take! He wanted to come with us so badly, which is basically the worst idea ever, but I totally get it. Praying for his heart to feel safe and loved and know that his mama will be home soon. Miss my littles!!!

Goodnight.

December 28, 2016. Layla's perspective.

Last night Santa came! I got the Hamilton mixtape, a ukelele, earwarmers with built in headphones, a movie and cute little panda slippers! Today we went to the terracotta warriors, something I've been wanting to see for a long time! There I got a miniature goldern warrior and we got you a mini warrior that looksl ike the real thing- faded paint and all. We ate the lunch abouve the gift shop in a cafe. It was buffet style, so we got whatever we wanted. Sherry got me some noodles which I guess were okay, but I really liked the steamed buns... even if they tasted a little strange. 

SAPPY SAPPY JOY JOY.

I'm not exactly sure how come if you share anything, you are expected to share everything or else you get you some new labels. So funny. Guys, you can just share what you want to share and it doesn't make you fake or liars or anything because it's not real life. It's just bits and pieces and you don't owe anyone anything. Just like Lin only wrote the parts that were a musical, because free country and all.

So here's the deal--
There's been some crying and some attention-seeking behavior and maybe some adult words that didn't come from an adult, but I just don't usually take pictures of fits or rages and the like. Doesn't seem like the opportune time and I don't feel obligated to tell about them in order for anyone to believe we are flawed. Duh- we're flawed. Flaws all over the place. Suitcases full of flaws. We're okay with it :)


On Friday, I kept my little tail home for Roman Day (also, bc there are SO many viruses going around and lord help us, we do not need him to get sick). He's had a bit of a tough time, not necessarily as a result of Lincoln's adoption but just ALL THE THINGS taking our attention right now. So I felt like he desperately needed some one-on-one.

                                                            The infamous 'gold hair'....

I learned a lot about what is important to him that we maybe didn't realize. Interesting, interesting.

Everyone in Cale's bubble knows his love language is gifts. It literally matters none what the gift is (though he prefers hot wheels, sunglasses, and anything edible). Giving him anything equals love to Cale. Easy breezy to figure him out.

I'm not sure I could have pegged Roman's before Friday. His attachment struggles look differently than our others', so I think it sometimes goes unnoticed as the root of his behaviors somehow. I mean, it should be obvious, but because he's always silly & smiling I think even we forget.

We dropped Cale off at church and then I gave him the go-ahead. First of all, he only wanted to be HOME. He didn't want to go anywhere or doing anything spectacular. He wanted to be home. With me (and Lincoln, but she went to sleep). He tested the waters by asking to stop for a donut on our way- which he doesn't even particularly like- he just wanted to see if this was really a "yes" day. When we got home with the donut he didn't eat, he asked if we could play a game. We played for a long time and had a blast! He also asked me to do a lot for him, that he is completely capable of doing himself, to see if I would (I did, of course). And if I would make the time for things he wanted- like cooked onions on his salad. How many times have I told him no to that, I wonder? How many times did I say we didn't have time? Lessons learned.

Toward the end of Roman Day, I took two phone calls back-to-back and he made it pretty clear that he didn't care for that. More lessons for Mama. Oh man, I am still always learning to apply what I KNOW about these trauma kiddos. 

He wanted the Chinese babies to have matching ponies.

We don't do Valentine's, really.

This girl and this chocolate.

So for Christmas, Brynn had a $100 gift card. She spent 100% of the $100 on everyone else in this house and $0 on herself. She bought me these chocolates and waited for them to arrive from Germany. But before I could try any... someone else helped themselves to all but three. 

:::pause for appropriate face::: 

My question: Did you really eat all of those?

Response: Not all of them. I spit a bunch of them out because I didn't like them.

Okay, cool. ha. *Luckily* they are also sold at Aldi so she was able to replace them for me ;)

Anyway, we kinda make today a family thing just because it's an excuse for a theme and I do love a theme. Totally cheap out though. Don't get me wrong... we've done some Pinterest-y kid stuff in the past, way back when there were ONLY four.

Nowadays, Valentine's looks like a last minute trip to the dollar tree for some snaazzzyyy old school cards you just write your friend's name on and call it a day. #throwback #80sbaby

We were already having puffins for breakfast, but I dazzled them with sprinkles and put food coloring in the milk bc we're fancy (and on a time-crunch) but... but... here's my favorite.

NEW TRADITION.

Last night, setting the table for dinner. Kids were fussing over dinner music, tattling over who was sneaking early bites, arguing over which one would bless our food (really? Really.) yada yada. So we finally get seated and it's maybe a 'lil somber tone. Usually in this situation we start some sort of trivia or Q&A to get the conversation going. In order to shift the tide, we decided each person should tell why every other person at the table was special to them "in honor of Valentine's".

GUYS.

So many salty tears with our dinner. Little flawed humans are still pretty amazing humans.
P R E C I O U S, all of 'em.

We also do "put ups" sometimes-- when you have put someone down... you put them back up-- so a couple of kids were kind of confusing the two, which makes sense. More like "You have a good smile." which is kind, instead of a particular special something between the two, but that's alright.

Others were overwhelmed in the sweetest way trying to explain what another person means to them or hearing what they mean to someone else. There were alligator tears.

me-"Why are you crying??"
kid- "I'm just so happy."

THIS IS LOVE, YA'LL.

It's not perfect and it's not always easy.... but sometimes it is.
Sometimes love is playing basketball without a goal. Sometimes love is sharing your glue gun. Sometimes love is hugging someone after they hurt you. Sometimes love is doing something they said you couldn't do. Sometimes love is going on adventures. Sometimes love is choosing joy when you have every reason to be sad. Sometimes loves is reading out loud. Sometimes love is cooking onions. Sometimes love is pink milk and the Dollar Tree.


I'm choosing to share this because life is short. Just taking a minute to tell people you love them and tell them why was sort of magical. AND THEN LISTEN to why they love you back... I learned so much about what was important to them by listening to each of my people. And there were some surprises.

Valentine's is silly. But love does crazy things.

                                                       (some of) my sweethearts:

C's bus comes at 6:15 {thumbs down}. And yes, B is using an empty formula container for her Valentine's 'box' because when she grows up, she wants to be a "creative genius" and you gotta start somewhere.

This new smile though.... haha. I think she's probably just excited about that bag I made her bought at the dollar store.

DAY FIVE: A little adventure.

We had big plans to do nothing but explore today, BUT… finally (!) our other bag has made it’s way to Xi’an! Woot! What an ordeal. Just don’t lose your luggage in China, ya’ll. The second half of the ordeal was figuring out how to get them from the airport to us, an hour away. Airport wouldn’t deliver, guide and driver weren’t available to take us or pick it up, hotel didn’t have a shuttle. Our guide wanted us to just leave it there until FRIDAY. No-can-do. I need clean unders, I need our food, I need clothes, I need my girls’ Christmas gifts, I want my stuff!!

After two hours of back and forth,  I told her we were taking a taxi. Instead, she helped us hire a private driver to take us out there and back for even less. It was an easy 3hr round trip with just a few minutes on the side of the road while the driver fueled up- why did we have to get out of the car exactly??- and TOTALLY worth $25. Shew, that feels better. Our room just got a whooole lot smaller, but it feels so much better to have our things. And now Santa can come (back) to China!

Somehow that managed to take up most of our day and wear us out.  We made the easy mac I had packed and it was utterly disgusting. I did have some pureed fruits and veggies to add to LiLi’s cereal, that was a bit shocking for her! Haha. We ended up staying in the room and ordering $15 worth of room service that night out of convenience. I felt really guity spending that much on just the two of us, but when it arrived it was an insane amount of food! I ordered hot beef noodle soup - it was amazing- and enormous. Enough for four people probably and one of the best things I’ve eaten. Layla had a burger she couldn’t even get through half of. It was a real bummer our fridge didn’t work and we had no way to keep the leftovers… we could have eaten on it for two more days!

Tomorrow, Terracotta Warriors! So excited!

Layla's perspective:

Today the luggage we lost finally arrived in Xi'an! Wen went to get it from the airport and while there, I saw something really cool... a Chinese copy of The Cursed Child! Mama agrees if we see it again I should get it. When we got back tot he hotel we ordered room service. I ordered a burget and it was huge. I obviously couldn't finish it. I am so excited for tomorrow!!! Terracotta Warriors!!

DAY FOUR: First day of forever.

Last night was Christmas morning in the U.S. and we had a chance to video chat with home just as they were getting up to see what Santa brought. The timing was perfect. They got a few little things and a sister all on the same day! It was so fun and they were super excited to see what we got too (Lincoln).

Anna Gray was on a Santa-high for just a minute before she fell apart. Granted, they were exhausted from constant Christmas events since coming home from the airport Friday morning , but mostly she missed her mama. Just about broke my heart.

We said goodbye and a couple more hellos with the grandparents who couldn’t wait to meet their newest.

Totally signing 'I love you' right? ;)

She slept well. Actually, she and Layla both slept from 4PM-4AM. She ate a little baby cereal but will not take her bottle. She doesn’t like to be changed and she did not like the bath. It’s a smidge overwhelming for such a little lady!

On the first day of forever, we headed out bright and early to finalize our adoption.
After a bit of paperwork and dashing back and forth between offices, she is now and forever Lincoln Mabel West!

She is still very pensive. Content, but studious. No sounds, no expression. She stayed wherever we put her with very little movement.
I look forward to seeing her personality start to peek out! I know it’s in there ;)
Poor baby must be so confused and terrified.

After getting back to the hotel, we went on the hunt for food. We landed at Pizza Hut because it was easy. Well, in theory. Layla wasn’t feeling pizza with seafood or “various fruits” or other unidentifiable toppings. Finally, after some heavy gesturing and pointing, we ordered pizza with pepperoni. We think. And it was awesome.

I decided to try a few doughy bites for Lincoln and she came unglued. I mean, seriously unglued. She was laughing hysterically. The more she laughed, the more we laughed, and we stayed in that cycle the whole meal. Strangers were watching us, videoing. People would just walk up to our table and stand there and watch the three of us. We didn’t care. In all our time waiting for her, we had never seen her smile. The big toothy grin and chuckles were a dream come true!!



We had a couple errands to run but again, my girls were worn out and we were back in the hotel for the night by 3:00.  Both girls in bed by 5:00. Jetlag is a dog, I tell ya.

Layla's perspective:

Today was a little slower at first. We went to an office to finalize the adoption. That took about an hour. For lunch we went to Pizza Hut in the mall. Ordering was a bit of a struggle! We just kept pointing to pictures of pepperonis! While we were waiting for our pizza, you started laughing for the first time!! It was so cute! We got some photos and videos. We even gave you a little pizza and that was probably your first solid food.  I have to admit, the pizza was pretty darn good. People were watching us but I didn't care. After some errands, we went back the room- thank goodness. I am so tired.  

DAY THREE: An Liu Li For Christmas!

Is this real? This does not seem real. I convinced our agency we could pull this off. That we could get here this fast and meet our girl on Christmas. Did we actually do it?? Holy crap, it’s Christmas. It’s Lincoln Day!

I was a little frazzled about not having our bag, but only because I was minutes away from meeting my daughter for the first time and not thrilled to look like I had just traveled 30+ hours. {SO DUMB.} But--- You know how some moms labor for hours and kinda look like they’ve been hit by a train when the child actually arrives? That’s supposed to be a bit of a benefit to adoption. That you can make yourself presentable. In theory. It only happened once for me somehow.

They were bringing Lincoln to our hotel at 11:00. We are the only family crazy enough to be here Christmas Day (in this province) so things were a little more ‘lax. We were up, showered and dressed early and now what? I needed to get Layla some breakfast and she found a lovely freshly fried pastry from a street vendor- I was super proud of her for jumping right into the culture! We ran into a department store, I don’t even remember why initially, but stumbled upon some super cheap makeup. I figure a little color is better than nothing, right? So I spend $5 on mascara and blush. Then I pinked up my whole dang face haha. The bathroom light wasn’t great so I put a little on my cheeks and a little more. Using my fingers, bc I didn’t buy a brush. I couldn’t see it so I put a little more. Then I spread a little on my lids so they looked bright and fresh, ahem. A little on my chin maybe. Guys, I was so nervous. I messed with my hair for twenty minutes. I tried smoothing it with my fingers and at one point, I had somehow fashioned it with a shoelace out of desperation. Layla- who is the least vain person on the planet- was like, Mom… stop. I don’t know what was happening.

Surely enough, just before 11, the phone rang.
“Your daughter is here in the lobby. Are you ready for us to come up?”
Oh so calmly, “Sure, absolutely. We’re ready. “ I was so casual and cool, she had no idea. (lies).

This is when Layla and I made our “One minute before” video where I acted like a total weirdo. Like they were legitimately seconds away from knocking, so we couldn’t just delete and re-shoot, ya know? We were being weird because everything about these last moments are weird.



She was in the bathroom, peeking around the door with the camera to get our first look. I wanted to present myself with a bright, welcoming smile and maybe some motherly body language, but the entry way was super small so instead I just basically just scooted back awkwardly while they came in.

We have always been told not to just grab the baby. That will scare her. Give her a minute. Let her warm up. Ease into it.

I eased into it for about 30 seconds before my guide said, “Don’t you want to hold your baby?” and her face added “crazy lady?!“ Oh, right. Yes please. I think I said that for real.

It was all so casual and weird. They just handed me a (teeny tiny perfect precious) baby, told me a little about her and left. Our guide hung around for just a second for me to sign custody papers. I could not focus because my two girls were checking each other out and I wanted in on that.

SEE. (I am so pink!! haha. And I get all frozen bc they wanted a picture of us to take back to Lincoln's ayi.)

We all jumped in the van and had our “first official family photo” and Lincoln’s passport photos made in some make-shift photo studio above a grocery store.

Our guide bid us farewell with plans to pick us up the next day to finalize and that was it… we were alone with our treasure and we could just do whatever we wanted because she was our’s and we were her’s and ohmygosh, worth every ounce of emotion the last 11 months have held.

She’s perfect.

We thought about stripping her down to get a good look at her, but being hungry and needing baby necessities that were still lost in luggage la-la-land, it made sense to head on out.

Plus, it's Christmas!!

It’s a little weird to be two people and an hour later be three people eating lunch like your/her whole world had not just changed forever. To suddenly find myself eating dumplings over a swaddled, sleeping baby who only moments before had only been a dream. We trekked toward Walmart in the cold to get what we needed, but not really sure what that was. And Layla was T I R E D. It had been a super long two days.

We made it back to the room and took off her big ‘ole tattered coat, cutting her in half in an instant. Then removed the first layer of clothes.

Oh. Hi, An Liu Li. I’m your mama.

I see you.
I see your long lashes and your pink lips. I see your soulful big brown eyes and your sweet little hands.
I see your round cheeks begging for kisses and your wispy carefree hair.

Admittedly, I was a little taken aback by how small she actually was. Not just “small for a three year old” but … frail. Hip bones and back bones and skinny skinny arms. Ribs pushed out wide and loose skin around her waist because there isn’t enough flesh to fill it out.

That’s okay. Because this is before.
Before we snuggled you close and stroked your sweet face. Before we nuzzled your neck and kissed your teeny piggies. Before we nourished your body and tucked you in at night. Before warm gentle baths and whispered ‘I love you’s. Before therapies to make you strong. Before dance parties and birthday parties and things of your own. Before you were daughter and a sister and a miracle.

And today? Today starts forever.

Layla's perspective:

Today was probably the best day of my life! Why? Because I met you! Mama and I woke up early so that we could get ready and then we waited by the door. When Sherry and the nanny rang the bell, I got so nervous! The second I saw you, I knew you were perfect. After we got to see you, I held you while Mama signed the paperwork then we left to get your picture for your passport and official adoption decree. After all that was done, we went out to a restaurant. I got dumplings for the first time and I tried meat pies. I'm not going to lie, i don't want to think about what kind of meat it was. After that, we went to Wal-mart for baby supplies. I was SO TIRED so it's all kind of a blur by this point. Mama says this is jet-lag. I don't like it at all. I went to bed at 4pm. I love you!! Your sister.