Just some stuff on Wednesday.

Jogging today.
{journal + blogging.}
{Not actually jogging. It's cold outside and I'm a wimp.}

First of all, I just wanna hug all my SN mama friends today.  Not for any particular reason, I just woke up feeling like I wanna squeeze each one of you. And thinking about it makes me realize that I have this huge community of connection, literally all over the world. We've had a couple of challenges this week that remind me that our normal is not everyone's normal (so easy to forget amIright?) I wish I could just gather you all up and hug everyone of ya today,  Because it was hard today or because it was great today or just whatever. I'm super thankful that we are in this together.


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Roman had some updated scans recently to see where we are on his insides. We've been treating his iron-overloaded organs pretty aggressively for the last year or so and it's working, so that's really encouraging. We've seen some progress in behavior too. Maybe because of the tonsillectomy or maybe because he's finally letting his guard down or maybe both. He's not the easiest little boy to parent, but he sure is a sweet one! He writes me loves notes every day and tells me I'm precious and calls me Sweetheart.  He's still my "Tail", but the last few days, Tail has been attached to Daddy instead of Mommy! I mean... not today, but some days.  Today, he held my hand the whole time I brushed AG's teeth and signed folders and poured coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.

He seemed sad yesterday and when I questioned him, he said "I'm pouting." When I asked why, he said he missed Daddy. He has enjoyed (I guess that's the right word?) Nathan all along, but there's been a shift of sorts. He's initiating kisses and 'I love yous' (versus just accepting them) and it's made his daddy very happy. Sweet boys.

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There are lots of new, different people in Brynn's life; and I think she's having a hard time trying to be who she thinks they wants her to be, instead of secure in who she already is. I know she'll figure it all out. This kid is good as gold and everyone should get the chance to see it. She found a couple of verses that spoke to her a few weeks ago and wrote them on her wall. She has always always loved to dance for fun, but she's starting to realize that it can be an outlet too and that's sort of really beautiful. She is throwing technicality out the window and just dancing whatever comes out of her in that moment, a piece of her own little world. All the heart eyes for my girl.

Yeah, cut short because a certain baby sister came running in her bright orange football jersey to dance along beside her.

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And here's AG saying "quesadilla" just because it's cute.

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For Lent, I have given up, or am attempting to give up, two things:

1) Destructive speech-  negative words, complaining, etc. both in regard to myself and/or others. I need to be more intentional.  Also, ugly words. Which I've never really used and I'm not even good at it, but they were pretty applicable in 2015. Also, because I am growing my eyebrows out to their original shape. It's been three months. Have ya'll done this?! It's horrifying.

2) A spirit of poverty- I saw this specific phrasing... somewhere I can't remember, but it spoke to me. I don't ever take for granted that my kids are fed and clothed and warm and way way more, but I'm tired of feeling trapped by financial stress. I need to let that s*** go.  Sorry, that was just to be funny.

Work in progress...



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I'm still working on Chapter Two of the story (and about six other posts). February is busy busy, with lots to look forward to: Queen B's first dance competition of the season, upcoming book interview (!!), and still trying to get the house(s) ready to sell. Brain is disorganized. Hence, jogging on a Wednesday.

Chapter One.

I guess it's finally time to tell the story.
{Read: I finally have time to tell the story.}

Or at least the beginning of the story, as it is so clearly only the beginning.

It will still be abbreviated because I honestly can't even explain the details myself.
(Picture me bulging my eyes out, hands flailing about, and talking obnoxiously fast while you read, 'cause that's how I do when I'm excited.)

So, we moved.

It was a little shocking for some, us included. We moved quickly and unexpectedly and for all the right reasons. Things had been fine.  There were still some school struggles we couldn't get ironed out and the twins were initiating honest conversations about being "surrounded by white people" at school/church/dance/football/home....  so a slew of "little" things were adding up to the possibility of moving after the school year, but it was only October.

The kids went on fall break on a Thursday. We visited a friend at her school in a neighboring county on Friday. While visiting the elementary school(s), we could clearly see what a great fit they would be for our kids who color outside the lines. We just kind of stumbled into this place that we had been looking for all along. While visiting, I was offered a job at the school- in Special Ed, which I went to school for and also had been living every day for the last 8 1/2 years. Then there was this house. Oh, we loved it so but it wasn't an option for so many reasons, namely the two other houses we own. And then with one phone call, it was. It was an option, immediately, because some people in this world still have the biggest, most enormous hearts.

And suddenly, everything made sense.

Ya'll know we ain't scared.

We moved. Within a week. Like, we just stopped living (totally living?) and threw some stuff in boxes and moved .

We had been praying for solution and within 48 hours, EVERY DOOR OPENED. All the doors, wide open.  Man, I am skipping so much... so many awesome people were involved... It was unbelievable.

Perfect fairytale? Nuh uh.
The four big kids all started new schools and I started my full time position in SpEd in our new home and new town that all felt so right.

For about a week. And then we all cried every day.

First of all, culture shock.
Yes, it's what they wanted/needed but still a big adjustment for little people trying to figure out where they belong. Hard. And then boxes everywhere, can't find this or that or anything. Hard. And driving back and forth to the other house to move a little more every single day. Hard. And learning how to balance a full time job and our family at the same time. Hard. Teaching and parenting kids with exceptional needs 24 hours a day? And trying to do it while my kids are falling apart? H-A-R-D.

It was not good. They were not okay. With all the change, I was supposed to be the one constant, but I wasn't available in the same ways I had always been and they felt abandoned. Because adoption, ALL THE FEARS WERE TRIGGERED. Oh, they struggled and while they struggled, we struggled. At the same time, feeling peace and certainty way down deep that this is where we were supposed to be.

I truly truly loved what I was doing at the school, it broke my heart to let them down, but my own children were not okay. I needed to be here to provide stability/consistency/routine and all the things necessary for safe feelings. start making our house a home, get the listing process going for our other two houses, be available for the medical appointments, doctor/insurance/pharmacy phone calls, IEP & 504 meetings, OT/PT/ST/mental health therapists- normal, regular life as we know it. Whyyyyy did I think for a second I could work full time (and still dance part-time) and do all this too? It was all very confusing for a hot minute, trying to figure it all out.

Christmas break somehow afforded us an actual break this year that was so very necessary and appreciated. Slowly, but surely, normalcy was/is returning.

The new year has begun with the Growing Wests starting to feel settled, hopeful, and ready for ... whatever. Something better than what 2015 had to offer, that's for dang sure.

It's been three months and we are starting to see our kids exhale.

They were so brave to trust that this was the right choice for our family, even in the hard. They are finding their groove and finding their new tribes and tell us EVERY DAY that their hearts feel at home.  That's good stuff and makes all the hard worth it.

We still have not sold our other two houses and that is definitely still causing some stress for the household grownups. We seemed to have misplaced our money trees and treasure boxes in the move, so we are taking one step at a time as we are able. Our rental property was listed, has been temporarily unlisted, and will be re-listed at the end of this month. Hopefully, the home we moved out of will be listed shortly after and we desperately, prayerfully, confidently hope that both sell quickly. If we have learned anything from this experience so far, we know it will happen RIGHT ON TIME.






Chapter Two coming...