Accountability.

I know the "week" is technically almost over, but I still wanted to share our menu.  Those of you that have been following these posts for healthy ideas, this will not benefit you :)

This week's inspiration started when Roman asked what Mei Mei ate when she was a baby living in "Anna Gray's New Crown". No matter how many times we stress the enunciation of Ukraine, he calls it "Anna Gray's New Crown". That question led to discussion of what we actually ate in Anna Gray's New Crown... and made me miss it. I miss Ukraine often, especially in the winter.  Since it was so unbelievably cold during our time there, all the memories are triggered as soon as the temperature drops and I break out my boots. That also means we are nearing the anniversary of her adoption-- warm fuzzies.

Anyway, food.  Discussing what we ate in Ukraine led to discussing what we ate in China... and Memphis.  So we decided this week, dinner would represent where each of us was born. It's been super fun and super delicious.

Ukraine (Anna Gray): Cabbage rolls & Varenyky
Nashville (Nathan): Chicken & Waffles
Charleston (Me): Shrimp & Grits
Kentucky (Layla): Kentucky Hot Brown Sandwiches and homemade potato chips with dill dip
China (Roman): Dumplings, Hot&Sour soup, sticky rice, and chicken. (Think General Tso's.)
Memphis (Brynn and Cale): Ribs and all the fixins'

Only Nathan's plate holds enormous portions.  He deserves it though because he makes the best fried chicken I've ever had anywhere.

Not healthy, but rather enjoyable and naturally creates amusing table conversations. This is way more meat than we would normally eat in a week, so we are kind of cheating and spreading it across two weeks really. Plus, we are working on our kitchen this week so cooking big meals every night isn't an easy option. We've supplemented with Caesar salads and left-overs here and there. Also, this could have been a more expensive menu for us. Thankfully, we already had shrimp and hamburger in the freezer, all of our usual veggies, and several of the dry ingredients. We only had to fill in the missing pieces to make a meal (which is how we landed on a few of our choices.)

For breakfast this week, the kids have/had:

• Cinnamon toast and fruit
• Sausage, egg, and cheese crescent rolls
• Crust-less quiche
• Peanut butter & banana "sushi"
• Biscuits & Chocolate Gravy with bacon
• Sausage balls with greek yogurt parfaits

It was not the best week for me to start tracking everything I eat. {MAKES AWKWARD FACE}.  Ricky has some 'splaining to do. 

You know how sometimes with the New Year, people choose a word to focus on for the year? Like: gratitude, patience, discipline and whathaveyou. We chose "accountability". And by "we", I mean that I said I think we should do this and our word should be accountability. And Nathan said, "Okay, sure." and the kids said "What is accountability??" And so it goes.

We shall be accountable.  Or at least focus our energy on trying.  

Accountable for our choices, our feelings, our relationships, our finances. Accountable for learning, for giving, for keeping our word, for small things and big things and everything in between.  I could honestly list so many areas that one or more members of our household could apply said energy.

I know I need to work on it, but I also need to model it/actively discuss it with my children and hope some rubs off. I already gave a "You're the only one who can stop you from being your best ..." speech this week and it totally worked.

Personally, I will be sprinkling it all over throughout my day. 

If there is something toxic in my life, it's my responsibility to remove it.  If there is a friend I wish I could see more, I'll reach out. If I have a goal for myself, I'm responsible for making it happen. Aaaand I'm responsible for the aforementioned calories on this week's menu. 

Baby steps, friends, but I'm on a roll so far {save those pesky calories} and I like it. 

**I didn't link to recipes because I'm short on time (see sentence about kitchen work) and I tend to combine for these meals, but shoot me an email if you want to see where I start!

Time & Place.

"It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart..."
Five points to anyone who can name that movie without cheating.....


Like others who are parenting kids with a multitude of special needs, we have developed our own working vocabulary for our family.  We don't really even notice that we do it anymore until someone points it out. It's just key words and phrases, usually in a positive frame (what we DO want them to do instead of what we DON'T want them to do-- one of the tidbits that stuck during my college years as a Special Ed major).

{This usually works, but don't think after repeating a particular phrase 18 times with no change in behavior that I don't occasionally lose my ever-loving mind and yell STOOOOPPPPP!! It happens.}


For kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and Down syndrome, etc, clear, simple instructions that leave no room for interpretation are important... but really these are things that work for kids across the board.

I might encourage Brynn to challenge her body and believe in herself and go ahead and try that new leap, Sister! And then later have to ask her specifically NOT to do it all over Kroger, as if I should have made that more clear the first time.

"Time and place, Brynnie."

She couldn't listen to some long explanation of why and when that's appropriate, just "time and place." A little reminder.


Other frequently used catchphrases:

"Hold your hands."
"Kind words please."
and for Roman especially, "Focus on today."

Roman talks... a lot {grin}. Every day he gets curious-er and curious-er. A large majority of his questions/conversations are wonderings about what will happen in the future. Like, way down the line.
(He also still often speaks in third person....)

Mama, Roman go to college at Tennessee Vols or Vanderbilt CollegeAndHospital (said as one word)?

Mama, Roman will be in middle school and play football or play baseball?

Mama, Roman will be 40 and be an ast-uro-nut (astronaut) and walk on the moon and Mama will be watching Roman come back down and land in water and a helicopter will take me to Florida and Mama will come get me, take me home?

Questions I can't actually answer, generally. I try to humor him for a while, but after twenty or so (so about two minutes in), I'll say, "Okay, Buddy- just focus on today!" Just be seven. Don't worry so much about what's happening next. Just today.

Sort of ironic coming from me of all people. I have always been the BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? kind of gal. I need to know.  It's why the husband hates watching television and movies next to me.  I always make my predictions out loud and 99.9% of the time I'm correct. I am often referred to as "smarter than TV." at our house. Usually by me.

But I digress...
In addition to that little character trait, I am basically pre-programmed to have an annual identity crisis (you may have read about one or two before). Every now and then, the What happens next?! and the Who am I?! questions collide. It ain't pretty. And sweet Nathan... he never loses his cool and yells, "STTOOOPPPP!!", though I couldn't blame him if he did. He uses the catchphrases.

Just focus on today, Amma. 
Time and place.


Six months ago, in the warm months of summer, I ordered the naked peg dolls needed to paint a family for Anna Gray's Christmas gift. LOOK AT ME GO. Six months early. Obviously, they were hidden in a drawer until approximately Dec 22 when I finally got them out to actually paint. It was fun in a rushed way, picking and choosing what little thing to slap on... I mean... artfully craft in a whimsical manner for each member of our family. Something to identify them, to make them them. Nathan has on his uniform (sort of, no time for re-dos) and obviously Brynn would be associated with dance, but I got to mine and I froze.

What the heck do *I* do?? I asked Nathan, I asked my friends, but still had no idea what to paint on this incredibly important wide-bottom peg doll. What is my thing?! I don't have a thing! WHO AM I?!

Now it was Dec 23 and I was the only naked peg doll in the family. At Layla's suggestion, I ended up adding the cupcake and apron with sort of a vintage vibe. Meh. That's me, I guess. Except it's not me. I don't actually identify with a cupcake (LIES. I totally do. On so many levels. Just not in that way. Sorry, Cupcake, I love you.)

I didn't have time to dwell on it because the Christmas chaos magic began.  Honestly, I stayed a little cranky through it all. Just a tiny bit. Nathan was working, so I thought I was just overwhelmed with gathering all the children and all the gifts and all the appetizers for all the places. Plus literally and mentally adjusting my to-do list in order to pull out of the driveway bright and early on the 26th and drive (ride) 12+ hours to Disney. Those things could make me cranky I supposed, but that wasn't it. We did Christmas, we managed Disney, and still... something just wasn't settling.

That Nathan is one lucky dog, because at some point early on in the FOURTEEN hour drive/ride home, I started chatting about all this nonsense sitting just beneath the surface. I think it started with a conversation about school (mine) and continuing down a particular career path.

Me: Yes, I still really want to do that.

Him: You would be good at it.

And then I panicked.

But is that enough?? Is that what I'm supposed to do?! Does that matter?! I want to matter! Okay, it will matter to someone... But shouldn't I do something bigger? Something that matters to people to the world to the universe?! I need to make a difference in the universe! How do I do that??  I know what I want to do, I want to do lots of things, but what am I supposed to do? Should I finish my book?? I should finish my book. What about the children's books I wrote on post-it notes? Are those are important? I think they're important, I'll finish those too. But what should I do?  There is so much to do. So much that needs to be done. What is my thing? I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO PAINT ON MY PEG DOLL. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!

Read that three times faster than you just did- that's about how quickly it all came out of my mouth. Now read it six times faster than you just did- that's about how quickly Nathan heard it. Enter eyeballs the size of the moon (the one Roman is gonna walk on when he's 40).

{And by the way, there are other factors at play. For instance, school. I hate it. Also, I won't actually ever be a writer because TYPOS and GRAMMAR and RANDOM CAPITALIZATION.  Also, this isn't a ploy to get anyone to tell me what I'm good at nor a plea for affirmation... this is just me, panicking and exhausted after fourteen hours in the car.  Another 'also' worth mentioning- none of this identity crisis relates to the current color of my hair.}

Thankfully (for Nathan), we (eventually) made it home around midnight.  When the next day started, there were suitcases to unpack and Christmas gifts to find a place for and trees to take down and back to school and no time for the annual crisis.

Then last Friday at Roman's transfusion, we were talking about what he wants to be when he grows up. Actually, we were talking about e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g because of the never stopping of the talking. {grin} So--
Spiderman. He wants to be Spiderman. (That was before he discovered space on Sunday and now we are at the ast-uro-nut.)

So he says to me, "Mama... Spiderman. I love it. And Layla's books, she love it. What do you love?

Well, I love YOU! And your brother and sisters and your daddy.

"But what does Mama LOVE it?"

It was unfortunate that at this very moment, I also happen to be reading Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker. And she's got me on fire and my mind is spinning about how I'm going to DO SOMETHING.  My fingers were already texting Nathan furiously, explaining to him that it was a dangerous decision to put that book on my tablet; and then here's my 7yr old son asking me such huge philosophical questions....

I came home chatting a million miles a minute again, as Husband ever-so-gently places a Naturally Gluten Free Michelob Light Hard Cider in my hand.  Time and place, Amma. Just focus on today.

I think this is totally normal for moms, right? Our children, our family, they become our identity. Everything else we do is just an effort to keep that running smoothly. Not everyone, of course, but it's not uncommon. Then everybody seems okay because you are doing a swell job of it all, and we start to wonder: What is my thing? (I just might do it a little more dramatically than others...)

Now don't think even for a second that I don't know that what I'm doing NOW is incredibly relevant to somebody. Somebodies. My somebodies. It is absolutely, undeniably a full-time job worth having. And it's hard work. It seems that the minute things start to settle and get easier (it's all relative), my mind goes to What's next?  My goal is never to make things harder on myself. In fact, I like the idea of a smooth, regular life. I can see how that would be enjoyable. My kids need routine. "Regular" makes sense. I know there is a time and place for it.

My logical self says now would be the perfect time and place for regular.  That sounds glorious for just a little bit.

So why isn't my spirit settled in that?
What in the world is this churning telling me I'm not finished?

I feel like I've lived a cycle of dreaming--seeing--doing. Even if it's not on a grand scale. I'm in the part now that seems to be preparation for whatever surprise is coming next.  While it's true that a few times those "surprises" have been little humans, I don't get the feeling that's where we are headed this time.  It is hard to see those sweet waiting faces, see that there is more to be done, and not do it.. But again, Logical Me feels like we have planted our garden and it's time to tend to it, help it grow.

So what's next?
I don't know.  Maybe I won't change the world, change the universe. According to my boys, they are superhero brothers, so I guess I'll leave that to them.  What I do know is that if the cycle holds true... I will do something. At just the right time and place.

For My Foodie Friends...

I know it's been a minute, but it thrills me to be getting messages and texts to share more food ideas. So fun! I have some new family favorites to share. I *really* need to put forth the effort of taking pics with my actual camera. Between my kitchen lighting and my phone, these do an absolutely terrible job of depicting the deliciousness of these dishes.

We have officially made Greek a regular staple at our house, served family style. I want to make ALL THE GREEK THINGS but that would be wasteful, so I only make a bit of each one. Every single West devours this buffet.  It's inexpensive and pretty healthy. There are a lot of beans involved, but that's some good protein-eatin', right? Also a lot of yummy carbs, but I justify it with variety. Leave it be.

Those are baby carrots if it gives you an idea on serving size and I ended up only tasting the beans and doubling the veggies like a good girl.

Here's what I usually make:
Always this GF falafel and it is my favorite that I've eaten anywhere.
Parmesan couscous
Any veggies in greek seasoning, roasted. Last time it was cabbage, red onion, red peppers. And it was amazing.
Spicy garlic bean blend.
2-3 types of hummus (because we always have a variety on hand) and raw veggies for dipping.
My goes-with-everything dill sauce.
And pitas, of course.



If we have any leftovers, it's maybe enough for one person's lunch the next day. On this next day, I intentionally miss breakfast, therefore requiring an early lunch/brunch and eating the leftovers before anyone else can. And they all stare at me like Oh, I would've liked to have had that...  and I feel ZERO guilt. It's delicious. At the very least, I can throw the leftover veggies on a salad or spread some hummus on a pita and have a wrap.

I need a chickpea intervention. Also, a feta intervention. 

Another huge hit...
Sweet potatoes, stuffed with kale, roasted red pepper quinoa, almonds and cranberries. (This recipe.) SO UNBELIEVABLY GOOD and very easy. We've had them three times recently. Really, you have everything you need in just the potato but if you happen to be like Nathan and just need to see more food, you could do a meat with it. He has grilled a pork tenderloin to absolute perfection to go alongside it.

For breakfast, my kids have been stuck in a major frozen waffle/pancake (and sometimes frozen sausage/biscuit--GAG) cycle. Like, nothing else would do. And I got stuck in an exhausted-and-this-isn't-worth-the-battle cycle because, well...

Now, I am not knocking frozen breakfast items... except the "sausage" does gross me out... A mom (or dad) has to do what a mom (or dad) has to do.  I'm trying to get mine to shake it up a bit, eat more balanced in the mornings, and introduce new foods so this is what they're having this week:

• No-cook refrigerator oatmeal - made by Brynn and Roman the night before and ready when they woke up. We did strawberry banana, apple cinnamon, and blackberry almond. They love it. I think it's just okay, but whatevs.

• Fruit "pizza"- took five minutes. Pita, nutella, fruit. Not the healthiest, but no complaints!

• French toast casserole. Will make night before. 
• They've also have regular hot oatmeal (usually just milk and brown sugar, sometimes PB/honey) and breakfast burritos that I made and froze, so I know exactly what's in them. 

I've had a few requests for my DIY coffee creamer recipe. I've been making my own ever since I read an article about the store-bought creamers being mostly oil (which I knew, but after reading the details all I could think about was drinking oil and then it tasted oily and blech.) I make enough for the week. And actually, I did no coffee last week and only once this weekend. I thought I handled it well because I still had energy, but I was cranky and easily irritated. I ended up having a cup yesterday afternoon and it perked me right up. I think it's best for everyone in the house if I just continue to have my coffee. You know, for the greater good. I'm that considerate. {wink}

Anyway, I mix
2 c. almond milk
2 tbsp cocoa
2 tbsp sweetened condensed milk
4 tbsp sugar (yeah- but for the week).
2 tsp vanilla

That's the basics. Sometimes I added sugar-free salted caramel syrup or if I'm in a hurry, just almond milk and the syrup.

This week's dinner menu:

• Chickpea lime veggie soup- I stuck to the recipe (not typical). It was good. 
• White veggie lasagna. Last night I used spinach, broccoli, red and orange bell peppers, red onion, and mushroom. I also use way too much cheese (3-4 kinds) and substitute chive&onion cream cheese for ricotta. No sauce needed. I also used GF noodles for mine which were awful.

• Tonight, Baked chicken/bean chimichangas. Would have used salsa chicken, but didn't have enough salsa. So it's in the crockpot now with lime, cilantro, cumin, jalapenos... and a Mike's Hard Margarita. I'm feeling pretty good about it...
• Chili and cornbread 
• And "breakfast"... which will probably be build-your-own frittata with whatever veggies we have left. It's our current go-to quick eat when we are too tired to make anything else. 

What are you eating?!
Bon' Appetit!